She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
