You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
