dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
