Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
