You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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