the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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