I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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