Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
