he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
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