I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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