Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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