I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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