You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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