I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
