in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
