he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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