No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
