69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
