I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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