I'm going to rape someone's good day.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
