if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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