Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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