Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
