Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
