so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
