Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
