You just made me feel so damn special
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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