if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
