he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
