did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
