We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
