He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
