and you said cock pushups were impossible
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
