I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
