My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
