i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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