Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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