Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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