dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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