I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
