hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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