I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
