Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
4 words: hood of his car
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
