im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
