Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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