I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
