im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
