Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
