So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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