People in love make me want to vomit
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We were destined to go to rehab together
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize