He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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