Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
