Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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