why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
